This Old Man

Once more, the authors of Lupus-Cain have received an unsolicited contribution from a reader of this blog. One of you, dear readers, has submitted a verse that–though lying beyond the ordinary themes of Lupus-Cain–fittingly captures its spirit. For that we are grateful. Read, then, and be edified.

“This Old Man”

This old man was a drunken buffoon.
And when he would drink, he would croak like a loon.
He drank and he drank, and then he’d caterwaul.
Till the campus constable on this nuisance did call.
Said he: “Professor Swinburne, you’re a goddamn lout.
And the principals of Oxford will soon find it out.”
But this old man was cruel and sly.
He quickly reached down to unbutton his fly.
And said to him, “Sirrah! That’s no way to speak to a don.”
Now come over here, and I’ll show you how to go on.”
But the campus constable was nobody’s fool.
He mayn’t have gone to Eton, but he knew the Golden Rule.
“Do unto others as you’d have them do you.”
So he huffed and he puffed till Swinburne was blew.
And when he finished, he drank up the old man’s jism.
And said: “Finally I affirm the coherence of theism!”